Our adoption experience began in December of 1998, when our local Bethany office in Colorado called and told us that a birthmother in Texas was interested in talking to us about adopting her child...
The social worker indicated that the birthmother wanted an open adoption and asked if we would be okay with this, as our profile indicated that we wanted a semi-open adoption. We were a little apprehensive about open adoption because we didn't fully understand all that it entailed.
So, three days after Christmas, we spoke with Hilary, the birthmom, and her mother, Carol, for the first time. Everyone involved was nervous and anxious, but it didn't take long until we hit it off. Hilary and Carol definitely wanted us to be the adoptive parents, so what we needed to work out were the details of the open adoption plan.
When we next spoke to Hilary, we focused on getting to know her and on sharing with her our thoughts about her requests regarding the open adoption. We had no issue with sending photos of the baby every three months or so. However, the terms of visitation concerned us because we had no idea of where we would be in life's journey five to ten years from now. Neither could Hilary project where she would be. We did not feel that any of us, in good faith, could make an 18-year commitment to remain in touch.
We suggested that there be annual visits for three years, phone calls periodically, photos exchanged every three months or so, and a commitment to reevaluate this arrangement after three years. Hilary agreed with our suggestions, so our adoption adventure continued.
Hilary and her parents, Carol and Ted, came to visit us in Colorado seven months after Brooke (our daughter) was born. The visit was a time for our families to meet and for the birthfamily to confirm in their minds that they had indeed made the best decision for Brooke. Brooke's adoption was finalized just prior to this visit, so it was a time of healing and confirmation for Hilary. We enjoyed the visit and did not at any time feel that we had to be anything but ourselves.
The next occasion when our families got together was at Christmas in Texas. At the Christmas dinner we were introduced to Hilary's large extended family. Hilary introduced us as "Brooke's mom and dad." Initially, it was scary, but Hilary's family warmed up to us and was appreciative that we were including them in Brooke's life.
Over time our relationship with Hilary's family has grown. Like any relationship, all parties have to be willing to work at it. We often talk by phone and communicate by e-mail. Hilary and her family have truly become part of our extended family. As extended family, we can call them up and chat or ask for support. We know that they are praying for Brooke and for us, and we pray for them also. Hilary is a special young lady to us. We pray for her continued healing and for happiness in her future.
On one occasion, Hilary came for a visit and stayed in our home. It was a wonderful time of bonding. We felt no apprehension that Hilary's visit would make her want to take Brooke back. In fact, Hilary's spending one-on-one time with Brooke only confirmed that she had made the right decision for Brooke.
Our story may sound incredible. "We would say to all who are concerned about open adoption, 'It has the potential to enrich your life as you've never imagined.'"
Hilary tells her story
On Saturday, May 13, 2000 I celebrated my role as a birthmother. The day before Mother's Day is Birthmother's Day, a day in which I am recognized as a mother who chose to give her baby life. On that day, Chuck and Jan, my daughter's parents, called to wish me happy birthmother's day and to tell me how much I mean to them. The fact that they appreciate me for the person I am and acknowledge me as Brooke's birthmother means so much to me.
I discovered I was pregnant in May 1998, just after my freshman year in college. I was scared. How was I going to raise my baby? I was only 19 years old. How was I going to stay in school and work to support myself and my baby? Who was going to care for my baby while I was at work and school?
Through many months of waiting for the baby to come, through many sleepless nights and hours of crying, through many prayers, I decided that adoption was the right choice. I gave my daughter two precious gifts: the gift of her life and the gift of two parents, Chuck and Jan.
When open adoption was first introduced to me, I was very surprised to hear that I could stay in touch with my baby. After talking with my counselor and realizing how much my baby would benefit from an open adoption, I decided that was the kind of adoption plan I wanted to make. Brooke would not have to wonder about me. I would be there to answer all of her "why" questions. Not only would she have the love of her adoptive family, but she would have the love of her birthfamily.
Chuck, Jan, and my family consider each other extended family. By the grace of God and the goodness of Chuck and Jan's hearts, we have all benefited from the life of one special little girl.